Chris Cosentino Tells Vanity Fair How He Would’ve Made Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress

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Coulda used a tripe purse! Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images/offalfood.com

Vanity Fair's "Awkward Question Time" feature scored an interview with brain-and-pancreas-lovin' Chris Cosentino, and the Incanto chef delivered one of the meatiest (ah, we had to) interviews we've seen in a long time. And by meaty, we mean that no topic was off-limits, particularly when it comes to Lady Gaga donning caul fat stockings. Yeah, we can't believe it either. More ahead.

Basically the interviewer, Eric Spitznagel, gets Cosentino talking about offal the way Howard Stern gets Camille Grammer talking about cross-dressing: a little playful prodding, and things get juicy fast. Cosentino was initially reluctant to do the interview at all, since offal "is a very touchy subject. So I dont know if joking about it is the best plan.

Well, too late for that! Some of our favorite dirty bits:

On haggis:

VF: Its weird. Haaaaggis. It sounds like an infected skin flap. The doctor wants to have my haggis biopsied.
CC: No, no, no. Its a Scottish delicacy. Oh my god. Do you eat McDonalds?

On dogs:

VF: Have you ever eaten a dog?
CC: I havent, but thats just because Ive never been put in that situation.

On Lady Gaga and her fatty-membrane stockings:

VF: If you were designing a meat dress for [Lady Gaga], what ingredients would you use?
CC: The biggest error she made last year [at the MTV Awards, at which she sported a controversial meat dress], aside from wasting all that meat, is that it didnt look very nice. Id have done something different. First thing, she needs some lace stockings. Which is easy. You take caul fat, the fatty membrane around organs, and stretch it out really thin. It looks exactly like lace. Its absolutely beautiful. And then, for her dress, Id recommend tripe. Its all white, very elegant, and it wouldnt drip blood everywhere. You could use the extra tripe to make a handbag.

We also learned that dining on beef tenderloin is kind of like eating sphincter! ("Its not ass. But its what helps push the turd out ... The sphincter is the actual hole. This is the muscle above the colon.") And why people avoid offal. ("Were not a culture of jiggly and soft. And a lot of offal is jiggly.")

He also claims that people think McDonald's is good food, which means that maybe we are a culture of jiggly and soft after all!

So, wow! Time for a cold shower!

Offal Chef Chris Cosentino Is Happy to Make A Meat Dress for Lady Gaga [VF]