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How to Spot A Really Bad Restaurant

No cottony rolls, please.
No cottony rolls, please. Photo: istockphoto

Not sure if you’re destined for a hideous dining experience? If singing waiters, the stench of day-old sponges, an empty dining room, or 20 percent off entrees don’t send you running for the nearest Anna’s Taqueria, well, the Herald offers up some more subtle signs.

Tip one: “Look to see if the restaurant offers seasonal and local ingredients. That is a sign of the restaurant’s commitment to good cooking.” True, although seasonal is basically the Kim Kardashian of restaurant buzzwords: ubiquitous, tired, and overexposed.

Another tip: “Pale looking, cottony tasting rolls are a dead give away that things will be just so so.” Cottony being the operative word; most places we’ve visited that serve “cottony tasting rolls” have a high proportion of patrons with slightly cottony hair, too, and tend to be busiest at 5 p.m.

Also: “Salads should be lively and crisp, not wilted and tired looking (unless you ordered a wilted salad) and they should never be overdressed.” We agree with this, of course, though we’re devastated to admit that our premonition about wilted wedges of iceberg being this spring’s trend-setting dish is totally wrong.

And finally: “Visit the restaurant’s web site and study the menu. It should not be huge with an encyclopedia of dishes to choose from; this is a sure sign that the establishment relies on too many pre-made frozen or microwaved foods.” Which means that we just canceled this weekend’s trip to the Cheesecake Factory. Crisis averted.

Checklist for a Good Restaurant [Fork Lift]

How to Spot A Really Bad Restaurant