Yes, there is a time and a place for clams in black bean sauce, salt-and-pepper crab, and even kung pao chicken. But face it: Sometimes you just need to hoover a trio of egg rolls and call it a night. When it's oily carbs you crave, perhaps with a side of neon-orange duck sauce, consider our favorite seven spots. And if you have favorites, let us know in the comments. Faux-crab wishes and MSG dreams!
Golden Temple, Brookline: This is actually the rare Americanized Chinese place that isn't incredibly greasy. You will not feel like dying after inhaling their crab rangoons, and the egg rolls are solid as well.
Hong and Kong, Chelmsford: This is the type of garish place your Midwestern grandparents visited when they wanted to get a little crazy. The puffy orange chicken fingers and shrimp puffs don't come from any country we've ever visited, but they sure taste good.
The Tahiti, Dedham: Cheesy Polynesian decor? Check! Potent cocktails? Check! Enormous pupu platter for two, stocked with enough egg rolls, chicken wings, spareribs, and teriyaki to feed you for days, all at $17.95? Yup! What are you waiting for?
Wang's, Somerville: This handsome pupu platter gets points because it's just $15 and it also contains crab rangoon. Also, Wang's has some of the best dumplings in town, which make a worthy complement to your already carb-laden meal.
Chilli Garden, Medford: Chilli Garden gets points for diversity: They do Americanized Chinese and Sichuan specialties with equal competence. Their pupu platter is a hearty tower with all the staples, and you can definitely get a fine spring roll or two, but you'll also find stewed rabbit and frog legs with chili pepper on the menu.
The Best Little Restaurant, Chinatown: First of all, it's actually in Chinatown. Secondly, it comes with shrimp balls! No deadly cocktails, though; it's BYO.
Joyful Garden, Brighton: Yep, it's in the Days Inn. Don't let that stop you. You'll find exceptional Chinese-American dishes (including the crucial pupu platter), as well as some authentic curiosities from a separate Chinese menu.